Tuesday, September 30, 2014

What's scarier than a zombie apocalypse? That our own CDC is officially preparing us for it.

We all know that a zombie apocalypse is coming that will wipe out most of the population and signal the end of the world; that’s just common knowledge and we’re cool with all that. But I discovered something yesterday that is far more frightening. The Center for Disease Control – the CDC – has a page on their website that is preparing us for the zombie apocalypse. No, it has a whole section dealing with zombies and the coming plague of “Walkers” and flesh eating undead.

When I first came across their website material, I thought it must be a joke from an imposter site. But it’s for real: the U.S. governments department dedicated to protecting us from every strange and horrible disease in the world actually thought it was necessary to dedicate time, money, man-hours, and website space to prepping us for the coming of Zombieland. That means some department head and some politician and some federal government actually signed off on this madness. Forget Ebola, Anthrax, or nuclear war – let’s make our website fun and fan friendly by discussing zombies. THAT decision is far more ponderous and disturbing than getting my face ripped off on Planet Z.

Here are some excerpts from the CDC’s website:

“There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That’s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e. You may laugh now, but when it happens you’ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you’ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.”

Damn, son – things just got real! They go on to document a history of zombies including the Haitian voodoo origins, zombies in movies and popular culture, and outline strategies how you, as a God-fearing, taxpaying U.S. citizen, can best accommodate a zombie apocalypse.

They recommend you put together a “zombie emergency kit,” that will tide you over until “you can locate a zombie-free refugee camp.” That list includes the usual; non-perishable food, water, tools like a utility knife, duct tape, and a radio, bleach, soap, and towels, clothing and blankets, and your important documents. They also suggest you have a first aid kit because, per their website, “although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane.”

They go on to suggest, “Once you’ve made your emergency kit, you should sit down with your family and come up with an emergency plan. This includes where you would go and who you would call if zombies started appearing outside your door step.”

Apparently, an evacuation route is so important because, “When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast!”

However, we should be rest easy at night because the CDC is on the case, ready to step in and put in overtime once the zombies start marching through Main Street.

Here’s what they say, ”If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).”

Wow, I feel SO much better about the whole affair! And of course there are plenty of helpful resources the CDC is kind enough to offer us, like the “Preparedness 101: Zombie Pandemic,” graphic novel we can download for free, a CDC Zombie Task Force we can join (and pay for a t-shirt, with the proceeds going to “benefit disaster relief efforts and other important health programs. Get yours before they’re gone…”

It doesn’t end there, as FEMA, the Federal Emergency Management Agency, chipped in to name October, Zombie Awareness Month, including webinars they host, with, “almost 400 emergency-management professionals tuned in nationwide.”

Both the CDC and FEMA claim the zombie-themed material on their websites should be taken tongue-in-cheek, as a few years ago they noticed that mentioning the fantastical scenario of a zombie apocalypse garnered exponentially more new visitors, especially a new audience of young people, to their blogs and websites than all of their previous awareness campaigns, combined.

In fact, when they first posted the zombie 101 material on their website, 30,000 people read it in 10 minutes and crashed the site, and since then they’ve gotten 60,000 views per hour. So it looks like all this zombie talk on our own government agency’s website is just a publicity stunt, a clever PR hoax, a parlor trick to get people educated about the real emergencies – hurricanes, floods, and outbreaks of disease. 


 I don’t know man, I don’t know. I think I’d rather be safe than sorry and I’ll start stocking up on duct tape and batteries for when flesh-eating zombies ring my doorbell.

Friday, September 26, 2014

The history of portable music technology.

1954 
Transistor radios.
Just in time for Christmas, the world saw a brand new invention – the portable transistor radio. Patented by Richard Koch of Regency, who then teamed with Texas Instruments for manufacturing, the world now could walk around with their radios to listen anywhere. But the price tag on the first mode, the TR-1, was $49.95 in the 1950’s, more than $400 these days.


1962
Transistorized stereo systems. 
That year, inventor Henry Kloss came up with the KLH Model 11, a that was portable record player, amplifier, and speakers that folded up and ran on A/C power so it was fully portable. The technology didn’t hit big or last long, maybe because the name “transistorized stereo system” doesn’t sound very cool!

1965. 
8-Track tapes.
8-Tracks came just in time for the swinging sixties, the decade of the Summer of Love, the British Invasion, and Woodstock. In 1965, the technology advanced where 8-tracks started being installed in cars. That was a huge advance in music because now you could bring your favorite 8-tracks with you, instead of being at the whim of whatever was playing on the radio.

1978
Portable cassette players and the Walkman.
The portable music revolution we still see today started today in 1978, not with Apple in Palo Alto, California but a world away in Japan. It was there that Akio Morita, the chairman of Sony, sent down orders to create a portable music player for the new audio technology, cassette tapes, so he could finish listening to his operas while in the car. A man named Nobutoshi Kihara, an audio division engineer, scrambled to make it happen, and within months Sony had their first prototype for the Walkman. Others copied and improved it, and early portable cassette players had Hi-Fi stereo sound and even Am/FM radios.


Late 1970's 
Boom Boxes.
While the Walkman was great for listening to your own music, it's precursor was the boom box, a portable stereo system released by Sony, Panasonic, and many others. It easily incorporated a tape deck, AM/FM radio, decent speakers, operated off of D batteries, and could be carried easily with a family - a true portable music party. Just in time for the coming rap music revolution!

1984 
The portable disc player.
Sony struck again in the mid 1980’s when they partnered with Philips to create the D-50, which was commonly called the Discman. Now, we could carry our fancy new CD’s with us and listen via a space-aged laser beam orientation system, though we had to hold them completely still so the CD wouldn’t skip, so the portable CD player wasn’t very practically.
Though the problem was later corrected when Sony and other Discman manufacturers added anti-skip technology that buffered playback for 3, 5, or 10 seconds or longer.

1992 
MiniDisc players.
Sony got the bright idea to cut CD’s to roughly half the size and invent a whole new line of hardware to support them, the MD, or MiniDisc. It did well in technology-thirsty Japan, using magneto-optical technology to enhance the CD listening experience in a smaller format. But minidisc players never caught on with the public, who knew CD’s weren’t going away, and something bigger was on the portable music horizon…


1999
MP3 Players.
The huge jump in music technology in the 1990’s was the advent of MP3 files, music tracks stores in a digital file via a compression algorithm. They took up about one-tenth the digital storage size of CD’s, would never skip, and were easy to upload and share.  The MPMan was the first commercially available MP3 music player, developed by the Korean company, SaeHan Information Systems and imported to the U.S. by Eiger Labs. It featured a rechargable battery and enough storage for 32 minutes of music.

2001 
The Apple iPod Classic.
The world of music changed forever when Steve Jobs and Apple released their MP3 player, the iPod. It combined personal music functionality with a simple and practical aesthetic. Basically, it was the coolest thing we’ve ever seen. Though it had some issues – like holding only 5GB of storage and not being compatible with Windows.

2002 
The iPod Classic 2.
Love ‘em or hate ‘em, Apple launches more product updates than any other company. Whether it’s to sell more products (like the iPhone 6) or because they want to share such great innovations, the result in 2002 was a huge upgrade to the only-one-year-old iPod Classic.

2003
iTunes.
While not a portable music player, it was the “home base” platform for music lovers that made the iPod even more universal. Apple even released a Windows-friendly version soon after.

2004
The iPod mini.
The mini was never a big hit but it was the start of something big – when portable digital music players got smaller, held more music, and had better batteries. The mini may have been the first iPod custom made for people working out or on the go, but it’s small 4GB storage size made it ripe for upgrades.

2005 
The iPod Nano.
Apple got it right with the Nano, which was smaller and better, came in fun colors, and easier than ever to enjoy for working out and daily use. The generations of Nano later introduced portable mini video to our iPods.

2007 
Smartphones.
The first iPhone was released on June 29, 2007, combining the a iPod with a cell phone. Though it had a short battery life, wasn’t compatible with all headphones, crashed a lot, and was too expensive, its popularity in the US and abroad exploded. Since then we’ve had many updates and evolutions or improvement, and others like Samsung keeping pace with their own great smartphones.

2014-?
Smart watches and other devices.
The immediate future holds portable music players embedded in our watches, eyeglasses and even in our shoes, all synched together with Bluetooth technology. None of them have really captured our imaginations like the first Walkman or the iPod, but if there’s one thing we knew, it’s that the next amazing music player revolution is right around the corner.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Ranking the best headphones for casual music fans.

These days, we see Beats by Dr. Dre headphones everywhere - from hip kids in the know at high schools to around the necks of rappers and NBA players. Sure, they look clean, and we all know legendary music producer Doctor Dre sold his company, Beats Electronics, to Apple for $3.2 billion earlier this year. They may be the highest profile headphones, and with a $299 average price tag, they are one of the priciest consumer headphones, but are they the best? Reportedly, Apple is already considering dismantling their Beats Electronics division for lack of performance. Audophiles and professional musicians agree, there are far better headphones that cost a lot less. Here's a general survey of the best headphones for casual music fans that won't break your bank. And I linked to my personal recommendation, Grado Labs, at the end! 

Overrated or overpriced:

Plantronics
Beats by Dre
Skullcandy

Best suggestions:

Beats by Dr. Dre (Monster) Solo HD  $150-$200
Skullcandy Navigator  $50-$100


Decent sound:
Bose
Koss
Creative
Phillips
Apple
Panasonic

Best suggestions:

Bose’s QuietComfort 15s  $269 - $299
Apple EarPods  $23-$25


Sounds good:

Audio-Technica
JVC
Sony
Sound Magic

Best suggestions:

Sony XBA-4iP (in-ear) $150
SoundMagic P30 $150



Sounds amazing:

AKG
Sennheiser
Sol Republic
Pioneer

Best suggestions:
Sennheiser Momentum  $199 - $299
SOL Republic Master Tracks  $200 
AKG K451 $345






Best sound around.

Klipsch
Grado Labs (very cool stuff - check these out!)
Shure

Best suggestions:

Shure SRH940 – $299.99

Shure SRH 1540 – $499.00
Grado Labs Prestige Series SR 125i  $229

Friday, September 19, 2014

The 10 best 1980's Hair Metal bands of all time.

 1. Mötley Crüe.
Formed in 1981 in California, the “Crue” has to go down as one of the most fun bands of all time, hair metal or not. With a lineup of Nikki Sixx, Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, and Nick Mars, they’ve been rocking several generations of American youth for decades now.

Notable songs: Home Sweet Home. Girls Girls Girls. Shout At The Devil.

2. Bon Jovi.
New Jersey shore. Richie Sambora. Banana-yellow Ferraris. Girls everywhere. The year 1986. Big hair. Slippery When Wet. Ghost Busters. Jam shorts. Cocaine. Half shirts. Tight jeans with plenty of holes. Loud motorcycles. Bigger hair. Keep the Faith. What more can we say with one of the best bands and solo artists of all time, who is so charismatic and timeless he’s made a second career on the silver screen?

Notable Songs: You Give Love A Bad Name. Wanted Dead Or Alive. Bad Medicine. Living On A Prayer.

3. Guns and Roses.
Now, we’re cooking with gas, as G & R isn’t just one of the best hair metal bands of all time but one of the best rock bands of all time. Lead men Axel Rose and Slash are legendary, exploding on the metal scene out of LA in 1986 with platinum record after record, iconic hit after hit. To this day, I’ll still listen to “The world’s most dangerous band,” and appreciate them musically – not just as a stalwart of my youth (though I did see them play in 2003 off their Chinese Democracy tour and Axel Rose was about 300 lbs., sweating gravy, and howling like he was destined for the Bat Mitzvah circuit.)

Notable Songs: Welcome To The Jungle. Sweet Child of Mine. Patience. November Rain.

4. Poison.
This mid 1980’s glam band may have peaked and then gone away completely within a 10-year span, but so would you if you sold 45 million worldwide! Lead man Bret Michaels and the rest of Poison definitely represented hair metal well with huge coifs, tight leather, and lots of explosions on stage.

Notable Songs: Your Momma Don’t Dance. Every Rose Has Its Thorn.

5. Def Leppard.
Five English blokes from Sheffield put this band together as far back as 1977, but their commercial success in the U.S. mirrored the emergence of MTV as a cultural phenomenon. They hit their crescendo with Pyromania in 1983 and Hysteria in 1987, which went platinum twelve times over in the U.S. alone and sold over 20 million copies worldwide (in total, the band has sold more than 100 million!) How hard does Def Leppard rock? At one point after a in 1986, band member Rick Allen, their drummer, lost his arm in atragic auto accident – and kept on drumming with the band for a spell.

Notable Songs: Animal. Pour Some Sugar On Me. Photograph.

6. White Snake.
Another British rock band that took over the American glam rock scene, Whitesnake was actually the creation of David Coverdale, former lead man of Deep Purple when he left that band. They put out good music ever since 1978 but ’87 was their year, as they crushed the charts with two mega hits that are still anthems of the 80’s. And how could forget Tawney Kitaen dancing on the hood of the their cars in that video?

Notable Songs: Here I Go Again. Is This Love.

7. Cinderella.
A glam band from the suburbs of Philadelphia? That’s exactly where Cinderella came from in 1985, with lead singer Tom Keifer and company rode the wave of MTV pyrotechnic rock party videos to smashing commercial success. They fizzled out well before 1995, but left quite a legacy with 20 million records sold within a decade.
Notable Songs: Don’t Know Whatcha Got Til It’s Gone. Nobodys Fool.

8. Van Halen.
Everyone agrees that ‘Halen rocks, but when we throw them on a list of 80’s hair bands, we’re specifically referring to the very weird David Lee Roth doing kung fu moves-in multi-colored spandex 1984, Panama, and Jump Van Halen era, not the punk-rooted I, II, Fair Warning and Diver Down ‘Halen or the post-Roth Sammy Hagar and beyond ‘Halen. Jesus, how many times has this band completely reinvented themselves - and still been awesome? 

Notable Songs: Jump. Panama. Hot For Teacher.

9. Ratt.
Not that anyone cares, but this is the first live concert I saw as a pimply-faced middle school kid in braces, when they played with Billy Squire at the New Haven coliseum. There were drunk people and drugs and fights and arrests and mass nudity. It was awesome. Apparently, others hold the same opinion, because Ratt has been a staple of the 80’s hair glam band scene every since the 1970’s in Los Angeles.

Notable Songs: Round and Round. Wanted Man. Way Cool Junior.

10. Twister Sister.
Even though front man Dee Snider always marched to his own drum, playing the club scene way back in the mid 1970’s with goth, make up, and women’s clothing in the vein of Alice Cooper. But they came around to be the classic glam metal band, and there was no way we could leave him off a list that includes the words “hair,” and “rock” in the title. The kids from Long Island defined hair metal for a time with their cult classics and use of MTV to make mini-movies, not just music videos that attracted a huge audience.

Notable Songs: We’re Not Going To Take It. I Wanna Rock.


On deck: My sincere apologies to the lovely gentlemen in Skid Row, Warrant, Dokken, Wasp, Extreme, Winger, Quiet Riot, Slaughter, LA Guns, Billy Squire, and Tesla. (By the way, I never in my life thought I'd write that sentence.)

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The 20 best album covers of all time.

Back in the golden days of music, when musicians took pride in releasing a quality of album with each and every song a treasure, artists also looked to form an immediate visceral connection with their fans by presenting great artwork on the cover. Each great album cover was like an addition to your personal music museum, an optical icon to accompany the glory of the musical experience within. It's no coincidence that some of the best bands and best albums in music history also had the most groundbreaking album covers. A lot of these were probably in your record collection, though you may have your own favorites. So without no further introduction, here are our top 20 album covers of all time:The Beatles: Abbey Road
Marvin Gaye: Let's Get It On
Guns N' Roses: Appetite For Destruction



N.W.A.: Straight Outta Compton



 Iron Maiden: Killers



Led Zeppelin: I





Bruce Springsteen: Born In The U.S.A.



Beastie Boys: License to Ill





Pink Floyd: Dark Side Of The Moon




Nirvana: Nevermind




Miles Davis: Tutu




A Tribe Called Quest: People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm























A Tribe Called Quest: Midnight Marauders





The Velvet Underground: The Velvet Underground and Nico: 




Notorious B.I.G.: Ready To Die



Rage Against the Machine:
Rage Against the Machine




















Pink Floyd: The Wall























Pink Floyd: Wish You Were Here






























The Beatles: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band



AC/DC: Back in Black