Wow, that’s a lot of boom-boom. That number seems
ridiculously high to me, and certainly my lack-of-output plummets the national
average, so last night I conducted a very scientific poll (on Facebook) asking
the same question. The majority of people said they were under the
norm. The majority reported they had sex less than 118 times a year, with only a few
outliers saying that number sounded low, and even one girl who claimed she has
sex 3 times a day, EVERY day, and who immediately received a slew of new friend
requests.
First off, to treat this subject with empirical
impartiality, let’s define what a “time” is. Certainly a “time,” or
“sexual episode,” is viewed differently between men and women. Studies
show that for men, sex has occurred the exact micro-second they orgasm.
But for women, it’s when they receive a compliment about looking thin.
And how do we define “sex,” itself? There are almost as many definitions
of sex as there are people, but for this study, they considered sex to be any
sexual encounter, with at least two people (sorry you masters of bating),
including intercourse, manual, or oral copulation.
I think a better definition would be: “any activity that
involves removing your clothing, including your socks, that leads you to miss
more than two commercials on TV.”
According to these definitions, Americans are having sex
approximately once every 3 days. That still seems like a lot. Don’t
forget, we have to factor in people who are not married, or not actively
dating, or are “taking time to work on themselves,” or own more than 3 cats, or
wear toupees, have a headache, are sick with the flu, have to wake up early the
next morning, still live with their mom, or just have zero game, and you can
see that we’re looking at far lower numbers. Then there is the
ultra-religious crowd, who believe that sex should be reserved for procreation,
and the abstinence people. WaitingTilMarraige.com reports that 3% of the
US population, almost 10 million people, wait until marriage to have sex, so
that skews our screw numbers. By the way, if you want more information on
that organization you can look them up on Facebook, where they have 7
followers.
I understand if you have sex a whole butt-load of times if
you are in a fun relationship or newly married, play NBA basketball or are
named Taylor Swift, but this study shows that the rest of us have sex once
every 3 days our whole adult lives!
The logistics are astounding. 118 times per year –
that’s a LOT of beer and tequila shots, breath mints and over-priced
flowers! And where is all of this sex taking place, anyway? It's
reported there are 132 million housing units in the US, so is that where all of
this bump and grind is going down? Apparently people aren’t just getting
amorous in their housing units, but in motel units, and back-seat-of-car units,
and on-their-desk-at-work units. Classy.
Dubious of this number, I undertook my own research with the
help of Google. Side note – there are some interesting items that come up
whenever you use “sex” in any keyword search, and my computer will have to be
thoroughly purged this morning. Surprisingly, there was little clinical
research, reinforcing the premise that as a nation we’re fairly closed-minded
about sex, at least talking about it when the bedroom doors are open. But
I combed through the handful of existing academic studies, which cited
brilliant conclusions like:
“Having sex is linked to positive outcomes.”
Yah think?! I’d say so! So I formulated my own
list:
Top 5 Positive Outcomes of Having Sex:
1. You got to have sex
2. You got to have sex
3. You got to have sex
4. You got to have sex
5. Post-coital snack
Thankfully, I found more legitimate studies about
our other national pastime by the Kinsey Institute, an Indiana
University research center who has been the “trusted source for investigating
and informing the world about critical issues in sex, gender and reproduction,”
for over 60 years.
I can only imagine visiting the Kinsey Institute, where they
have hot women scientists in white lab coats with nerdy glasses who take me
into a testing room and attach microdes to my head, and then she pulls off her
glasses and shakes out her hair and pushes me back onto a lab table and rips
off her lab coat and…oh, you’re still here? Sorry, I got carried away.
Here are some statistics about Americans and
sex:
The average couple spends 20 minutes on foreplay.
The average
sex session lasts for 3-18 minutes.
75% of men
orgasm every time they have sex.
29% of women
orgasm every time they have sex.
The average
age of first sexual encounters is 16.9 for males and 17.4 for women.
People have
sex most infrequently on Tuesdays.
Thursdays
are the most popular days to have sex.
Only 48% of
people are fully satisfied with their sex life.
60% of the
population engage in oral sex frequently.
The movie
"The Notebook" is reported as the most romantically stimulating film
for women, who prefer men to make "their move" during the rain scene.
Men cite "any damn thing" as being most effective to get them
in the mood.
90% of men
and 86% of women have had sex in the past year.
27% of men
and 19% of women have had oral sex in the past year.
10% of men
and 9% of women have had anal sex in the past year.
20% of Americans
have had sex with a coworker.
Here's the in-and-out of the Kinsey Institute's report on
frequency of bumping uglies: 18-29 year olds have sex an average of 112
times per year, 30-39 year olds an average of 86 times per year, and 40-49 year
olds an average of 69 times per year, bringing the national average to around
85 times per year.
How does that measure up against the rest of the
world? In contrast, the Greeks have sex an average of 164 times a year,
and the Brazilians, 145 times per year. Sadly, like math and science test
scores, America has fallen behind, again.
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